i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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