Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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