I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
