my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
