Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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