i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize