this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
