i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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