Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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