My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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