we're chasing vodka with high fives
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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