He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
