omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
