Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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