I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
