Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
