I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
