Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize