why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
