jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
