i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
