I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Found your dick twin last night
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
