So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
