3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This toilet bowl is my home.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize