my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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