k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just gargled with NyQuil
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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