I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize