that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
