I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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