I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize