Fuck appropriateness.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
