i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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