Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
