if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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