matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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