I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
