They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
