I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
