Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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