I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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