maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
