She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
