I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
