Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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