and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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