I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
