Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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