I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
