I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
