Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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