I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
