My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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