Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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