i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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