Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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