Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
