I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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