So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
