You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
