Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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