my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
