Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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