one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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