dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize