somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
