My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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