I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
