Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize