I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
