I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
