there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
