so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
