Nicole vs. Life
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize