i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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