Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I forget how to act sober
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
